I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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