It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
