Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
