you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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