i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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