I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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