Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize