Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
