I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
