Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
