you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We need to rekindle our bromance
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
