bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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