dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize