I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize