I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
