Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
