thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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