u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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