Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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