Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
