I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
