Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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