i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
