Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she told me i tasted like america
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
