I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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