Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
