VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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