That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
