No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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