He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
