hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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