That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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