White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
