ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
