I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So many bounce houses so little time
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize