Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize