so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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