Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
