Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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