Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
