Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
