She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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