It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
