# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
