just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
