I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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