There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize