I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
