Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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