Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
