my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
