He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
