my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
