I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
