Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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