I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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