In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My feet surprised me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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