we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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