you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
