so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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