I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
