Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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