I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
