I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
