I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
