Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
