K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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