All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
