Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
