I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
