i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize