My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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